


Gone in a Flash

by Lordofdeathn



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lordofdeathn/pseuds/Lordofdeathn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Strength is nothing more then how well you hide the pain"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jude told me this wouldn't be to bad as a multi fic so boom!
> 
> And to calm your minds I will still be continuing "Finding Lexa Callaway" Its just some mild writers block. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The Mountain was laid to waste, Clarke couldn't handle the pain. She leaves. It's a week in on her self exile when the inevitable happens, she knew Lexa would find her eventually. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Anger seethes through her when shes sees the Commander dismount her horse. She won't shoot Lexa, she can't. If Lexa dies so do her people, because if it wasn't Lexa as Commander the next one would surely attack the Sky people. 

"Clarke. It is good to see you are not harmed" The softness surprises Clarke, she is actually concerned about her well being. And maybe that would make Clarke fall into her arms. Maybe Clarke would have gone with the girl to Polis, healed, fell back in love with her, and all that other stuff. But she was angry and Lexa broke her heart. 

"What do you want, Commander?" she sees Lexa flinch at the title, a flash of hurt flies through her eyes before it is gone. 

"I came to see you Clarke. To see if you were not harmed. and.." she doesn't finish her sentence. Clarke can guess she was going to say she cares or something but Clarke doesn't let her. All she sees is red and she wants the Commander to feel pain. To hurt the girl emotionally. 

"And what Commander? came to say your sorry? to say you care? ask for forgiveness? well no. Lexa I don't forgive you and I never will!" She sees the hurt again and it looks like shes going to say something but Clarke cuts her off again "And if you think i will ever care about you again then you are mistaken. Your Heartless Lexa. And I hate you" She doesn't shout the words but their filled with enough venom to kill a human.

Lexa looks down and closes her eyes. Taking a deep breath and visibly swallowing. When she looks back up all Clarke sees is vulnerability and pain. If she wasn't so angry she'd be heartbroken right now but she was so angry and her blood was boiling. 

"There is a shelter not far east from here. It is a cave inside a small cliff. You will be safe there. No one will disturb you." She remounts her horse. and goes to leave before saying. 

"I am sorry Clarke. If i had a choice i would live my life doing everything i could to make you happy. To make you smile and avoid the horrors of this world. But i can't, and all I've done is hurt you. We will never meet again Clarke. But i promise. I will never hurt you again" And with those words shes gone. Clarke doesn't know what was worse, Seeing her again. Or the promise of never seeing her again. 

She spends two months wondering around before she finally returns. She feels better. Even her heart has healed and maybe she might seek Lexa out despite her promise of never seeing her again, because despite what she says, she still thinks that maybe they can actually have a future together. Once they talk things through of course. 

Everyone bar a select few, are happy to see her. Her mother and friends hug her tightly and some even cry. She's happy she can talk to them again and look them in the eyes without her ghosts threatening to strangle her.

Its Octavia who shatters her though. 

"Turns out the old Commander knows how to make it up to us. I mean what she did for us? Kinda makes me feel sorry for how angry i was at her" This confuses Clarke and when shes asks her what she means Octavia explains?

"You didn't know? The Commander chose to give up her spirit, if it was written in stone that the Sky people remain unharmed" Clarke's heart breaks and shatters. 

_But i promise. I will never hurt you again_

Lexa is gone.


	2. I am Become Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy is a OOC in my opinion in this. Im not sure what you guys think about it, but yeah
> 
> Enjoy

It took an embarrassing amount of time for Clarke to learn that Lexa wasn't dead. She was gone, just not dead. She hasn't been seen in a month. She apparently refused to be around her people, not after giving up her spirit. Apparently the mark of the Heda. A large tattoo on her back. Was branded and the spirit dispelled. Basically the burnt a big cross into her back. 

Clarke can't imagine the pain she was in. Not just from the brand, though it would have been horrible. But the pain of leaving her people. They were everything to her. She had given her whole life to them. made sacrifices for them. She wasn't allowed to really  _live_ , so that they could. Clarke thought about it a lot. Her and Lexa where the same. Your people always come before yourself. 

Who does she have now? Clarke wonders. She's to stubborn to go to her people. She doesn't have anyone. No one that Clarke is aware of anyway. Clarke makes a decision then. Lexa has chosen to give over the last thing she has so that her people are protected. So Clarke, should she find Lexa. Will offer her a place here. To stay here. To _live_ here. And if she declines. Well Clarke will cross that bridge when she comes to it. 

She won't go out looking for the girl. She's been gone a month. And could be anywhere. America was not a small place and there is literally millions of places she could be. So Clarke will wait till she gets word. Then she will set out.  But until then, she has to entertain herself at Camp Jaha. Which has its ups and downs. She lets her mother handle most things. She was ready to come back. Not to lead. 

She spends her time drifting. Sometimes in the medical ward. Sometimes hanging around Raven's. She feels like shes in limbo. Nothing feels right, everything would get to boring quickly. She just felt strange, like she wasn't were she was suppose to be. Not like before, before it felt right. When she was the leader. But it wasn't the leading that made her feel right. She can't pinpoint it. 

Sometimes she spends time with Octavia and Lincoln. Enhancing her skills, learning to fight. Survive. She trains with Octavia mostly. She knows the girl won't go easy on her, she stills harbors hatred towards Clarke about TonDC. She doesn't understand. Maybe she won't ever understand. The training is hard and painful but and effective distraction, from what exactly she is unsure.

One thing she knows she's been avoiding is Bellamy. At first, she thought people were joking when she heard the talking about Bellamy having feelings for Clarke. Some seem to think she reciprocates. Which she does not. However she has noticed it. The way he looks at her, talks to her. His body language. When she started paying attention she realized how blind she was to have not noticed earlier. 

She knows it cowardly but he is her friend and she really doesn't want to hurt him, so she stays away. Maybe he will get the hint? She is running out of friend quickly. Most of the adults look at her like shes a monster. She doesn't really care. They can keep it to themselves, she saved them all. Their just to naive to realize. At least the the members of the 100 are OK with her. 

100, she still can't believe their dead. She remembers the group rushing off the dropships, happy faces and bodies roaming around. She didn't realize then in such a short time, most of them would be dead. More then half. Wells, Charlotte, John, Fox...Finn. Finn, She knows he still haunts Raven, she can see it. The girl has tried, to be hospitable to Clarke. Even invited her to her workshop. But Clarke can still see a shred, of blame. 

Everyone seems to blame her for that. A source of constant panic attacks. They blame her for killing Finn. And, technically she did, she drove the blade into his chest. She felt his warm blood on her hands. But it wasn't her. Not her fault. 

She remembers another thing. Lexa asking if Clarke had wished it was her chest she drove the knife into. If she had a choice, with no repercussions. Would she have wished it was Lexa who she shoved the blade into. Into the soft skin of her neck. Ending her life instead of Finn's. The answer, is no. No. She wouldn't have. Lexa may have been Commander but she had done nothing to Clarke to deserve her death. Finn, on the other hand. Had herded innocent people like cattle. And gunned them down. One of them was just a boy. 

She doesn't let her mind stray to those thoughts to much. A painful reminder of what and who they have lost to get to this point. A constant reminder of death, she really doesn't need that. So shes thankful Octavia is here to beat it out of her head. As she groans from another flip, landing hard on her back. Octavia offers her a hand. Clarke takes it gratefully. 

Octavia looks over her shoulder when she pulls Clarke up, then gives Clarke a look. She groans inwardly this time. She knows exactly who's coming. She really hopes he doesn't try to ask her out. She may have considered it before. When it was just the 100. And she was desperate to feel something. She just thought. Why not Bellamy? She doesn't know why she changed her opinion. No, she does. Or rather, who did. A stubborn green eyed Commander.

Lexa had made her feel. Made her hope, that maybe. Just maybe she could have SOMETHING. Something to look forward to. A life, an actual life. Like she had always pictured the earth to give her. A happy thought creased its way in. Maybe if she can find Lexa, that dream won't actually be a dream. But maybe even a reality. Now that was something to hope for. 

She took a deep breath, hoping Bellamy didn't do anything. She spun around to face him, watching as he made his way over, stuffing his hands in his pockets and putting on a charming smile that may work on the other girls, have them swooning at his feet. But Clarke isn't affected. He stands about two steps away, before starting up a chat. 

"Hey Princess, still letting Octavia beat you around I see" he chuckles 

"Yeah, well we all need to train. Never know whats out there" Clarke plays with her fingers and averts her eyes as a small awkward silence fills the space. She can tell Bellamy is trying to come up with something, She hopes its not a date plan. How would one even go on a date on the ground. She knows Lincoln takes Octavia to a small field. Full of colorful butterflies. Its amazing. 

"So Clarke, uh. I was kinda wondering if" "Hey Griffin!" Oh thank god. Clarke almost says the words out loud.Almost. She sees her hero coming towards them. Alex. One of the original 100. He was one of the lucky ones to avoid being captured by the Mountain. He didn't make it into the ship in time, and knowing the plan of using the fire. High tailed it before he got grilled. 

"Whats up Alex?" Clarke turns herself to face him, seeing Bellamy tense in frustration of being interrupted. Alex stops in front of them, acting subtle but Clarke can see a glint in his eye. He knew exactly what he was interrupting and Clarke really felt like she could kiss him. 

"Saw a deer foraging around the treeline, couldn't have headed to far in. I would have gone out alone but you know the buddy rule" Ah the buddy rule. Abby had said no one is to leave without a friend in company, even with the rule of them not being hurt by the Coalition there was still wild animals and other things "And there is only three other people in this camp who can walk through the trees without snapping every twig, but since those two are being... Well those two. That leaves you. So you coming?" 

Clarke looks where he gestures and sees Lincoln and Octavia absorbed into each other, very little distance between the two. Smiles on their faces, eyes glued to each other like there is no one else in the world. Nothing outside their little bubble of space. Its so gross. She turns back to Alex. He's offering her an out, and shes pretty sure he is serious about the deer. 

"Ah sure. Just let me grab my gear and I'll meet you at the gate, Can you grab me a rifle?" He nods and spins around. Heading off to the armory. Clarke quickly says a goodbye to Bellamy and power walks off 

"Wait Clarke!" Shit.  


"I have to go Bellamy, can we talk later?" He deflates a little but nods "I'll meet you when you get back" He says. Well crap, The out is only temporary. Well at least she can think of what to say to him during the hunt. How to reject someone you have fought besides, lead besides and survived besides without hurting their feelings to badly. First time that's ever been said she thinks. 

She nods and heads off. Making her way to her room in the Ark quickly. The steel corridors of the Ark and the metal rooms, she found out. Are horrible places for panic attacks. You always feel like your suffocating. Like the walls are closing in, strangling you. Last time she had one, Alex had to guide her out of the corridor. She was freaking out. That was days ago. She hasn't had one since. Still doesn't help the feeling though. 

After backing the small black backpack, she heads off again. She spends as little time as possible in here, shes actually been considering moving into a tent. She decided she would do it tomorrow. Alex and Monty volunteering to help. It might be colder but at least she will be able to fully breathe, she hasn't developed claustrophobia, no she spent to long in solitary to have it. It just becomes unbearable at times.

She meets Alex at the gate, he hands her her rifle as she sheathes her sword behind her back, just in case. Some of the others who bother to stray outside the camp, don't bring swords. To naive to think that the skill would be handy. The only other member of the hundred actually who bothers to learn is Alex. Bar Octavia of course. She sees the short sword he carries sheathed to his side. This is why Clarke likes him. He gets it. They need to adapt. They start off. 

"So Griffin" another likeable trait. He doesn't call her Princess "What were you and Bellamy talking about?" He smirks, he knows nearly everything she knows. It happens when Clarke drinks to much and needs a shoulder to cry on. Or in that scenario, the closest person who didn't look at her sympathetically or like she was a monster. He knew Bellamy had feelings for her, and she told him of her lack of recuperation. Thankfully she kept her trap shut about the Commander. Didn't need that coming out. 

"You damn well know what he was about to say, thanks for the save by the way" He nods "Now he will be waiting for me back at the gate. What do I say?" 

"Just tell him straight, Bellamy is a big boy, he can handle it" 

"Your right, I should just say it. I can do that" She nods to herself. 

"So why don't you recuperate? Isn't this some fancy fairy tale about the hero getting the girl?" 

Clarke wonders if she should tell him, Alex is a good friend. He's proven to be trustworthy, and he doesn't hate the Grounders. Nor the Commander. Well Lexa, she isn't Commander anymore. She decides a safer option 

"Because I'm already invested in someone else" a knowing smirk crosses his features and he faces her. 

"Yeah, you and Lexa seemed pretty tight back then, knew you still had it for her" she freezes. HOW THE FUCK DID HE KNOW! She whirls on him wide eyed, questions in her eyes. He stops, the smirk still on his face. He cuts her off before she can say anything. 

"Don't try to deny anything Griffin I know something happened. I was there when the signal went up. And certainly don't remember you wearing smudged war paint when you went into her tent. Also hers was a tiny bit smudged to" The smirk turns into a grin 

"I..We...Uh" she scratches the back of her neck and looks away. What does she want to say? She declared her feelings for me then betrayed me? "We kissed. I told her not yet, then.. Well you know" Her chest constricts at the memory of the Mountain. She swears she saw a tear on Lexa's face as she stepped away. 

"Ha, knew it. don't worry Griffin your secrets safe with me. So, how are you going to get your girl back?" 

"Well...Wait what?"

"Please Griffin, every time someone even mentions Lexa you eyes glaze slightly. Heart eyes I swear. I know it because I see Lincoln and Octavia do it enough to each other, its a tiny bit gross." He grimaces at the memories off the heart eyes he remembers 'Linctavia' Ravens words, give each other. 

"Ok Yes, fine. I kinda want to see her again. She's different Alex. When its just me and her. Its like, shes young. Human. Shes only a year older then us and when she is with me, I can actually see it. See  _her"_ She doesn't realize she is smiling at the memory of Lexa. Of their private moments where it was just  _them._ Not Sky Heda and Ground Heda. But Lexa and Clarke. The girls with troubled pasts and crushing responsibilities. 

"Your in love with her" It wasn't a question, and really. She won't deny it. She's had plenty of time to search her feelings. Categorize and file, pick them apart atom by atom. Understand them better. Shes in love with Lexa. 

"Yeah" she breathes. Now wishing more then ever she could see her. See Lexa, who must be feeling horrible. To hold her and whisper assurances. Tell her everything will be OK. That she is safe. She sighs. 

"Come on. That deer's around here somewhere. But, later, Me and you are taking a trip to TonDC. See if we can find where your girlfriend is hiding" He starts heading off again as Clarke gawks after him. "She's not my girlfriend" She mutters, and Alex apparently hears her. 

"Yeah but you wish she was" 

She can't say he's wrong. 

  


It doesn't take them long to find the thing. The two headed creature is grazing in a small clearing. Oblivious to the outside world. Focused only on the grass, or that's what it looks like. Clarke knows its got its ears on the alert. Listening for the slightest sound to alert it to danger. They stop behind a fallen log. Moss growing over the long dead tree trunk. 

They don't speak, not wanting to alert the creature. Clarke watches as Alex slowly raises his rifle and aims at the creature through the scope. He won't miss, shes seen him shoot. He's quite good. This shouldn't be to hard. She hears him take a big breath. Finger softly resting on the trigger. AND!!

_Thud_

The sound of the animals body hitting the ground echoes in the quiet area. But, Alex didn't shoot? She examines the carcass from her and notices an arrow lodged in its throat. She groans. A grounder hunter of course. She wants to tell Alex to leave, let him or her have their rewards but something makes her stay, to watch the figure appear out of the shadows. Hood on, a cloth tied to it, it starts from the top of their T shirt to their nose. Leaving only their eyes visible in the black getup. 

The Hunter exits the shadows, its a girl. That much is obvious. They stalk forward, coming at a stop as they kneel besides the barely alive animal. Drawing a dagger that looks entirely to familiar. The figure lowers their mask, and hood. And Clarke freezes. No way. No way was it this easy.  

"Yu gonplei ste odon" 

_Lexa...._   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmhmm  
> Lexa is OK. Well alive. Maybe slightly not OK. Will explain next chapter


	3. Take Me Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I've just been buzzing with ideas and low time but I promise the next chapter will be up faster. Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday

Clarke could not believe it. Lexa was there. Here. The girl looked the same as she did the last time they met. Minus the Commander's armor and the warpaint coated in blood. She's wearing a black tank top with a sleeveless jacket over the top of it. She saw the intricate tattoo on Lexa's arm. Exposed the the sun as shines down. Illuminating Lexa. Clarke takes a glance to Alex, who's looking back at her. He recognizes who it is as well. And is silently asking what to do. 

She gestures for him to stay, before she exits the sanctity of her cover. Revealing herself. She slowly steps forward. 

"So we meet again after all" 

Lexa's head snaps up in surprise. Eyes widening in instant recognition of the intruder. She is also surprised that Clarke isn't scowling at her or looking like she wants to kill her. Or isn't aiming a gun at her, like the last time they met. She wonders if she should run, keep away from the blonde like she's been doing the past few months. She stands and prepares to leave. 

"Don't go. I want to talk. Please?" 

Clarke can see the surprise the words have on Lexa. Remembering the last time they met she doesn't blame her, she probably wasn't expecting Clarke to ask. She seems to debate it, then to Clarke's relief she nods. Clarke takes a few tentative steps forward to close the big gap between the her and Lexa. Then she turns slightly. 

"Alex can you uh.." she waves her hand in a move away motion. He appears from his hiding spot, nodding then walks back. He won't go far, he will go far enough not to hear but not enough that he can't make it back should there be danger. She looks back to Lexa, who is looking everywhere but at Clarke. 

"I was told what you did Lexa. Thank you. And, I also kinda want to apologize for what..." "Don't apologize Clarke. Your words where well deserved" Lexa cuts her off and Clarke had almost forgotten how good Lexa makes her name sound. 

"But they weren't true. I did want to see you again Lexa. And...I don't hate you, I was angry and hurt and I didn't mean any of it" Lexa finally looks up now. And Clarke almost gasps. The eyes are just as beautiful as she remembers, but there is something. Missing. As if something had been ripped out of the girl. Maybe it has, maybe she should not write off the existence of the spirit so much anymore. 

"It appears I couldn't keep my promise" Lexa states and Clarke's heart breaks at the guilt the girl is trying to hide. 

"I'm not complaining. Are you staying anywhere?" Clarke asks because she knows the layout and the only close Grounder village is TonDC and she was there not three days ago. Maybe she is hiding in a hut somewhere close. Lexa shakes her head. And suddenly Clarke gets an idea. She wants to keep the girl close now, wants to help the obviously grieved girl. And offer a home, somewhere she doesn't have to lead. 

"Do you want to possibly move into Camp Jaha? I don't lead them but a lot of them still listen to me. I can get you a place to stay?" And Clarke makes sure to sound hopeful, she finds it funny that she wants the girl that left her to die to move in to her home but she understood her decision and well, Clarke is a teenager in love. Can you blame her? 

Lexa seems to debate it. Seconds pass by that seem like hours. Clarke is anxious for an answer. Lexa, even with their troubled past. Is still a possibility for Clarke. A possibility to finally have  _Something_ of a life to live for. To wake up and have someone beside you, ready to start the day. Now with the weight of leadership of their shoulders, maybe a domestic life can become a reality. 

"And no Lexa, it won't make me uncomfortable with you there. I'm over it. I forgave you a while ago" She felt the need to assure the girl that her presence would not hurt Clarke, she didn't mention it would actually do the opposite. Lexa looks shocked at her last words, she probably thought Clarke would never forgive her. Then she nods. 

Alex rejoins them when Clarke whistles, she informs him that Lexa is coming back with them. While Lexa retreats to her tent not to far away to pack. Telling Clarke she will meet them back here. 

"Poor Bellamy has competition now, how ever will he cope" Alex smirks, and Clarke realizes she hasn't thought out what she is going to say to the boy, maybe Lexa returning with them will allow her to bypass him without having to talk about it. She also hopes she can rekindle her and Lexa's..what ever it was, in time so he doesn't ask again. Selfish she knows but she really doesn't want to reject him verbally. 

They wait for Lexa to return, talking about how they will get her a room. Alex smugly suggests that she room with Clarke. See isn't against that idea. Then how they will convince Abby they after what Lexa did it might not be to hard. Then other things. Alex constantly making fun of her about Lexa and since he is next door to her, whether or not he will need Raven to install sound proofing.

Lexa returns with a tent roll and cloth bag. Alex pulls a big cloth and wraps it around the deer. Tying of the ends and wrapping two ropes around them. And starts dragging the big deer back.

"So where have you been the past few weeks?" Clarke asks, because shes genuinely interested to see where Lexa has been hiding and also wants to see if she can get the girl talking.

"Around. Hiding in caves or tall trees. I did not wish to see anyone"

"You won't mind staying in my apartment do you?" Clarke asks remembering Alex's joke, she knows if she looks at him she will see his face light up in amusement. 

"Are you sure Clarke?" 

"Yeah, maybe i'll get to see the real you. You don't have to act tough anymore Lexa. No one in Camp Jaha is going to kill you because you care. People may actually like you for it" 

Lexa avoids replying to that. Instead she asks questions about Camp Jaha and the Sky people. Small questions that seem hesitant. They finally arrive at Camp Jaha. Clarke walks a bit in front of Lexa so a repeat of what happened to Anya doesn't happen again. Sure they know the Grounder's are allies now but you never know. All it takes is one jarhead with a gun and things can go to hell.. Just look at Jasper. 

She sees Bellamy, his face lights up at the sight of Clarke but changes when he lays eyes on Lexa. He glares at the brunette with distrust and something else. Of course Clarke hears the commotion and as they reach the gate her mother is already making her way down to them. Clarke sees many things cross her mothers features, some good, some not so much. Alex drags the deer to the two closest guards before dropping the ropes at their feet. 

"There. Finally. All yours boys" He sighs in relief. Rolling his aching shoulders. That deer was not light. 

"Clarke. Can you please explain why you have brought the Comm.. her, here?" Abby asks, louder then she needs to and Clarke sees it as a display off power. A challenge. Clarke barely holds back the scoff. Her mother is still threatened by her. 

"She has no where to stay, and now after what she did, we have trade and a new alliance with the Grounders. So I invited her to stay here" Clarke stands straighter. She won't back down, not against her mother, she may not run things anymore but she won't be seen backing down. "She will stay with me in my apartment. Everyone is to treat her with respect. Got it?" She hears murmurs of acceptance. 

Her mother seems to boil at the use of an order, but nods nonetheless. Clarke knows she will get an earful later but she doesn't care. She doesn't show the amazing relief at how easy it was to get Lexa in. She was expecting a bigger fight. Maybe Lexa's choice of making it law that the Sky people aren't attacked swayed more then she realized. Not wanting to stay much longer under the eyes of everyone she gestures for Lexa to follow. The girl does so. 

Clarke watches as Lexa slowly enters the Ark and tenses. She wonders if Lexa will stay in her or ask for a tent outside. Clarke doesn't blame her, the uneasy feeling returns, though she finds it significantly less powerful. Is it Lexa? maybe. She makes sure to stay close to the girl, maybe her close presence helps Lexa as much as it helps Clarke. It isn't long until they make it through the cold corridors. 

"Here we are" She opens the door to the dark room. Flicking on the light switch. She sees awe in Lexa's eyes and remembers they don't have electricity. She suddenly has two word on her tongue and can't stop herself from saying them. 

"Welcome home" 

 

 


	4. Watch Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the late chapter again I am so sorry. Forgive me?

Lexa wasn't the easiest person to ease her way into a new way of life. That is an understatement. She was very shut off, Clarke gets it, she does. She's seen the Grounders. Remembers Octavia saying how they will literally  _kill_ her for showing weakness. It was the way she was bred, born to a life of giving everything she can to her people and having nothing for herself. To shut out any and all feelings. To crush her heart of all feelings other then those for her people. 

So, she didn't easily slip into the way of life of Camp Jaha. The first problem was getting her a job. This was tough, she had little to no experience with the equipment they used, and her stubborn refusal to pick up a gun closed down the idea of a guard, though she could use her bow. She had almost no medical knowledge with Ark supplies, though was quite useful for identifying toxins. 

Eventually they made her a hunter. She was quick and silent and could outdo all of them in the skill. Not even Lincoln could keep up with her skill. Though the buddy rule made it hard. Abby saw it fit to try and prove her power over the girl and refused to allow her to hunt alone, if she was staying she would abide by all the rules, Clarke saw it for what it was, a show of strength. Turns out she's even threatened by the former Commander as if she's here to be Chancellor. Pathetic really. 

This hardly fazed Lexa however, she chose to usually go with Lincoln, Clarke or Octavia and on occasion if they were busy she even went with Alex. Clarke was happy about that, Alex usually says its quite fun, quiet but fun. She's merging with them, slowly. One person at a very slow pace at a time, but she's getting there. She's still closed off, even with Clarke now. Though like last time, Clarke is breaking through Lexa's walls. Slowly pushing her way through. 

Clarke understands though, losing something you've been born to do would be tough, especially with all the girl has sacrificed for it. But this has just made Clarke more determined then ever to break through to her, last time it was to help her people and maybe become her friend so their alliance would be stronger, possibilities of friends turned to possibilities of lovers after the kiss though. Now its to show Lexa she can be human without consequences. And Ok she is also hoping to continue to where they left off before the Mountain, slightly selfish yes, but Clarke doesn't care. 

She exits the Ark, the warm embrace of the sun capturing her. It is one of the many things she will never get tired of on the Ground. The warm sun, the cool breeze, the trees and plants, the wildlife (Well some of them). The Green. She made sure to enjoy her surroundings on her two month escapade. Something she hadn't really had the chance to do. The only time she did was when they first landed. But that ended when Jasper was impaled to a tree. They were so innocent back then. She wonders what the her of then would think of her now. Probably be disgusted. Probably wouldn't even think of killing 300 mountain men. Or grounders. But that is the way of life on the ground. One way or another you always fighting for something. The real danger, is losing that fight. 

There's dark clouds in the sky, barely an opening for the sun. But the gloomy weather does little to down her spirits. She woke up in a good mood and is content on letting it rule her for the rest of the day. She doesn't spot Lexa, probably out hunting. But she sees Octavia and Raven by a fire. Bacon and eggs roasting on a pan, the smell infiltrates her nose and her stomach grumbles. So she decides to go over to them. 

The look in pleasant moods, which Clarke knows can change quite fast. Everything they've been through can have that affect. Life has smashed them and thrown them, used them as its personal punching bag but they are still standing. That is strength. The Grounders use the expression, get knocked down, get back up. It took a while for Clarke to realise they weren't just talking about fighting. They were talking about perseverance in a way. Your true strength comes from getting back up. When you've been knocked down. To take your beatings whether emotional, mental or physical and move on. To not let it break you. To not let it keep you on the ground. They've taken their beatings, and are preparing for their next. But for now they are still standing. 

She sits down on an empty space on a log, there's three cut down ones, forming a triangle around the fire. Each girl occupies their own. They greet each other appropriately. Handing Clarke a plate with toast, eggs and bacon. She eagerly takes a bite, barely stopping the moan from exiting her mouth and the welcome taste of the food. Another thing she will never get tired of is food from the ground. 

"So, where's Lexa?" she asks

"Out hunting with Alex" Octavia answers, they both give her a look that Clarke knows is going to lead to an interrogation, most likely on Lexa. She isn't wrong. 

"So Lexa..." Octavia trails, watching her closely. 

"What about her?" 

"You let her in, into our camp, our home. After what she did at the Mountain? I mean, yeah sure she did that whole Heda spirit thing, But that was just a brand on the back. She left us for dead. If we had failed we would have been drained just so those sick bastards could feel the sun. You had to...." Clarke knows Octavia means the killing of the Mountain men " _and TonDC_ "

Clarke knew it would come up sooner or later, TonDC was still a touchy subject with Octavia. The girl was cordial and friendly with Clarke, but the blonde could still see the anger from the event burning under it. Like a layer of flesh it is always there. Clarke goes to say something, defend Lexa's choices which where almost identical to Clarke's when Raven jumps in. 

"Not to mention she tied me to a pole and almost had me tortured without a fair trial. And..And. She killed him, for nothing. He died for nothing because of her. When has she ever done anything for us? I mean sure she started the alliance, but she also broke it. And he died for it, for nothing" Finn is still a touchy subject for Raven, and the pain of killing him will never leave Clarke, but it has faded. 

"Lexa didn't kill Finn. I did." 

"Yeah but you gave him mercy. You stopped him from going through that, that savage torture. You stopped him from hurting" Raven tries to argue but Clarke cuts her off before she can continue. 

"She wouldn't have had to order it if he hadn't slaughtered a village full of people" Raven looks like Clarke slapped her "If Lexa hadn't have ordered his death Raven, they would have killed her. Like actually killed her, just ask Octavia" Raven looks at the girl in question. Who solemnly nods, she knows they would have. 

"He murdered innocent people Raven. One of them was a fourteen year old boy, They didn't deserve what happened to them Raven. And you damn well know if the tables where turned we would want the same thing. He was one of us, we loved him but that doesn't excuse it. Like it or not he slaughtered them, for nothing but blinded rage. Lexa may have ordered it, and I may have driven that knife into his chest but he put himself there. Finn is dead because of Finn"

If Clarke thought Raven looked like Clarke slapped her before. Now it looks like she doesn't even know her. But its the truth. Finn fucked up on some misguided and blinded mission of false heroics that turned into a bloodbath. 

"And the other bit, Can you blame her Raven? You were the perfect target, lover of the boy she ordered to be killed. Her bodyguard and friend was poisoned and everything pointed to you. Sure there was no trial, but where was Lincoln's trial when  _you_ beat him with electric wires.  _You_ tortured him for information we weren't even sure he had, we didn't even know if he spoke English. We didn't know, neither did she." 

She turns on Octavia now, not being able to keep looking into Raven's eyes. 

"And what happened at TonDC, Lexa didn't force me to do anything. I  _chose_ to follow her. I didn't have to but I did. And I would do it again, because if we had alerted everyone. We might have saved them, but Bellamy would have been in more danger, he would have  _died_  Octavia, drained then fed to reapers. And we would have been stuck with no way into Mount Weather, those people where sacrificed for victory. And yes she did leave us, and yes I killed the Mountain Men. I will never forget it. But like it or not. I would have done the same thing. If offered the same deal, I would have left them behind." 

Octavia looks away from her, unable to meet Clarke's eyes, because she _knows_ that she is right. Knows that Clarke would have taken that deal. Would have left Lexa behind and left them in a tough spot. As much as she hates to admit it, as much as she wishes there was another way. Where two hundred and fifty people didn't have to get incinerated, she knows that the choice was the right one. She might not forgive them, but she's starting to understand. 

Clarke stands up and leaves, not wanting to continue. So much for a good mood, she outwardly sighs. She is annoyed, everyone is constantly judging her, blaming her. In fact she can count on one hand how many people don't look at her like she's a monster. Alex, Bellamy, Miller, Kane and Lexa. Even her mother looks at her sometimes like she doesn't recognize her. And she thinks Bellamy is only looking at her that way because of his feelings. Kane seems to get it, understand the choice. She knows why, the people that they killed on the Ark. For air, it still haunts him.

Alex, she doesn't know how he understands. She wonders if she really wants to know. But he seems to get it and as long as he does she won't ask questions, and Lexa. Of course she understands, she did a similar choice bare hours before Clarke. She understands, has suffered similarly. She knows EXACTLY what Clarke is going through, and its comforting to know that she's not alone with it. 

She chooses to head back to her apartment, seeing Bellamy looking around for her. She can't face him yet, not yet. Lexa has been a great excuse to use if he asks if she's free. And she sees him grimace at her name, as if jealous. She snorts when she remembers Lexa being the same about him, though she was a lot less subtle about her jealousy. 

A warm feeling encompasses her chest when she remembers it, then her mind instantly goes to the kiss. Lexa, the tough, ruthless Commander. Kissed her so softly she felt like she was made of glass, when her surprisingly soft hands cupped her cheek, it was the first time she felt something GOOD since Finn died. And she was so ready to just wrap herself in it. Hide herself away with it. And planned to after Mount Weather, maybe she still can.

As she enters her apartment she's determined. She will voice her thoughts, she will tell Lexa exactly how she feels and hopes that the girl still cares about her the same way she did before the war. She plops down on her bed. Thoughts and scenario's plough through her head.

 

And she waits.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to get up the next chapter as fast as I can. 
> 
> Tumblr: LordoClexa


	5. Mindless Differences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i've been so busy lately and will continue to be for the rest of the week. BUT! theres a reason, its been a mad essay dash and study and im so TIRED but I will get this story done! 
> 
> Enjoy

She waits, and waits and waits. But Lexa doesn't come into the room. Surely their back by now, frowning, Clarke exits the apartment and makes her way out the front. Keeping an eye out for the others. Still not wanting to be around Octavia and Raven and not yet ready for the talk with Bellamy. And Clarke's usual go to people for times like this being absent leaves her no one to talk to. 

No, it leaves her hundreds of people to talk to, but she really hates the way they look at her so she decides to stay by herself. The air was cooler then before. Clarke was glad she put on her jacket and a grey beanie. Rubbing her hands together she heads for the gate. The guard on duty is one Clarke recognizes but can't for the life of her ever remember his name. 

"Have they come back yet?" she asks, the guard simply shakes his head. Clarke frowns, their always back within an hour or two. She decides to give them half an hour before she'll go look for them. She'll bring Lincoln with her. As she turns she gets a weird feeling in her stomach, and she can't help but feel that something is wrong.  _Calm down,_ she tells herself. Their both highly capable people, they'll be fine. 

It's twenty eight minutes and forty two seconds later, not that she was counting or anything. When she starts hearing screams, cries to run. She sees the guards at the gate tense and a few more make there way to join them. Clarke runs to the gate, scanning the tree line for the source of the screams. Her heart is pounding and her wool gloved hands clench in worry. Her breath visible in the cold air, the wisps like icy tendrils as they float through the air. 

The screams are getting closer, and they start sounding familiar. The screams are not feminine, perhaps they are from the second hunting group? then she see's them. Bolting through the tree line, faces filled with pure terror as they make a bee line for the closed gate. And she recognises them instantly. Jaha and Murphy. 

"Open the gate!" Jaha cries as they slow to a stop, one of the guards start opening the gate as Marcus and Abby appear. Marcus looks shocked, he never thought he'd see them again. And Abby doesn't look to happy at the new arrivals. They stumble through the gate and drop to the ground. Both panting, but before anyone can say anything Murphy is up and kicks Jaha in the side with as much force as he can. Drawing a pained "oomf" from the man as he falls to his side. 

"Son of a bitch!" he looks like he's going to hit him again, but a guard raises their gun at him and he stops instantly. Eyeing the gun wearily before scowling back down at Jaha. "Their gonna die now because of you!' she spits, eyes furious and vengeful. And Clarke is scared by who he meant by "they". She goes to ask, hoping he doesn't mean Lexa and Alex. When a familiar roar echo's through the forest. Followed by gun shots..Pauna. 

"You two arrest them" Abby barks at the two closest guards who snap to her orders then she turns to the gate guards "Close the gate. NOW!"

"Lexa and Alex are still out there!" Clarke protests, more gunshots follow, these ones much closer then the last. Followed by a blood curdling scream. 

She see's the terror on the faces of the now surrounding civilians. Eyes wide and frantic, scouting the area on the other side of the fence as if the bogeyman was out there waiting for them, though she supposes the Pauna is just as scary. More gunshots follow when Abby replies

"We can't risk it" 

"My Daughter is out there!" a burly man pushes his way through, and Clarke is struck by how similar he looks to Gustus. He is big with broad shoulders and a warmth to his grey eyes. One Clarke hasn't seen since she saw her father float into space. His eyes are narrowed at Abby, and Abby turns to him with a solemn look. Like the ones she use to get when she had to tell someone that their loved one didn't survive the surgery. When..  
  


"Wait!" Everyone faces the trees as three close bundled figures come into view and instant relief washes the tension out of Clarke as she spots Lexa. She's helping Alex drag a lean, brown haired girl. They look in rough shape but their alive. 

"Moira!" The burly man cries as he bursts forward with speed someone his height shouldn't posses. And Clarke finds herself chasing after him as her legs takeover in autopilot. Some people shout for them to come back but she ignores them. Already halfway to them. She can see the damage. The girl,  _Moira_ , looks the worst. Her grey tank top stained red in the centre, several cuts and dirt cover her arms and pants. Her head bobs along and her feet drag . She's barely conscious Clarke sees as she gets closer. 

Alex has a small gash on the left corner of his forehead, bleeding rapidly, the blood stains his face and looks to be irritating his eye. Apart from the head wound he looks in decent shape, his clothes are riddled with dirt. And Lexa looks fine, a scratch or two on her arms look to be the only damage. The man plucks the girl out of their arms like she ways nothing and carries her bridle style back to the camp. Cradling her to his chest like a life line. 

Alex stumbles a bit when she reaches the others but he catches his footing. 

"Inside quick!" he exclaims. His rifle hanging of his back from the strap. He makes it one step before he trips again, this time he can't balance himself and before Clarke can catch him he crashes into the ground. Clarke and Lexa grab his arms as he tries to pick himself up. He looks exhausted but his movements are frantic, he's pushing them forward as they pull him up. Trying to get them to the gate faster. And as he gets to his feet they bolt back to the gate. Lexa grabs Clarke's wrist and pulls her along before she can protest. 

Lexa makes it through the still closing gate first basically dragging Clarke through the gate after her. Alex sidesteps through as it closes in the nick of time. However he once again loses his balance and crashes into the ground. He groans when someone tries to help him up and opts to stay on the ground, panting heavily, he weakly pulls his jacket of and lies on his back, chest rising and falling in big breathes of air. 

"If you see Jaha...Shoot him" he manages through gasps of air. Jackson appears through the crowd, crouching at Alex's side and starts inspecting his wound. 

"The Pauna won't attack the fence" Lexa says, her voice taking on the usual steeliness it does when she is surrounded by strangers. All eyes turns at the sound of large footsteps and see the beast in question appear out of the tree line. The guards race to the fence, aiming their weapons through it at the creature. It stays still for a moment, as if weighing its options, before growling and stomping off. Clarke can visibly see the relief spread throughout the onlookers. 

"Come with me" Abby orders 

 

Their in the meeting room now. A small, square metal room with a oval shaped metal desk and a single light hanging over it. Abby and Marcus are on one side of the table, And Lexa, Clarke and a cleaned up Alex on the other. Clarke refused to leave, and Abby gave up trying having a well educated knowledge of how stubborn Clarke can be.

"Where is Scott and Mackenzie?" Abby asks first

"Dead" Lexa answers. Voice even and unwavering. She sees Marcus sigh and his shoulders slump.

"What happened?" Abby asks, throwing a concerned glance at Marcus before focusing back on the people in front of her.

"Well, we were hunting as usual" Alex starts "When we see some people hiding in a small house, a real broken down one to, made of a grey burnt stone or something, there was probably one room standing. Anyway, we got a closer look, Lexa saw them first. And she said, and i quote ' It is your old leader and the lizard faced boy'"  Clarke can't help the snort that escapes her "So, knowing they deserted, I told her we had to bring them back here. At this point Moira and the others showed up. And as a group we sneaked up on them and well, held them up. We pulled them out of the house into the small clearing in front of it, Jaha was blabbering on about some 'City of Light'" 

"Yes, it is a myth my pe... The Trikru use to scare their children. It is nothing but a bunch of shiny mirrors facing the sky, there is one on top of the Ark I believe" Clarke doesn't miss the small flicker of pain in Lexa's eye's when she mentions the Trikru. 

"A solar panel?" Kane asks and Lexa nods. 

"So what happened next?" Abby asks

"Well that uh.." Alex looks to Lexa "Pauna" "Yes thank you, the Pauna roared, and Jaha, said something about sacrifice, then pulled out a gun when we were distracted, and shot Scott in the leg and Moira in the chest. And ran." He looks down now, blinking a few times before continuing, his voice a bit strained as he does "Lexa and I grabbed Moira and Mackenzie grabbed Scott. We got away because they were slower, we tried to help. We did, but the guns did nothing. It tore Scott in half, and beat Mackenzie into the ground. I got this" he points to the gash " When it threw what remained of Scott at us.."

Clarke saw the look of horror on Kane's face. And Abby looked furious. Clarke grabbed Lexa hand under the table and squeezed lightly. The girl turned and nodded with a small smile, acknowledging the gesture. Alex was wringing his hands together, Clarke decides she will get Raven or Harper or even herself to talk with him later. Right now he doesn't look like he wants to talk anymore. And a hidden anger rests in his eyes and Clarke knows what kind it is, knows if he sees Jaha he will snap. And probably rip Jaha to shreds, not that Clarke would be against it.

Abby turned to Marcus and growled with no amount of hidden fury and Clarke knows Jaha is in trouble, and she surprisingly finds herself worried for Murphy. She doesn't know why, maybe because he was one of the delinquents. He will be punished to, she knows, but she can tell jaha will get the worst punishment. And Clarke can already tell it won't be one he survives.

"Bring Thelonious outside. Now!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? All comments bare blatant hate are welcome. Constructive comments appreciated


	6. Hold Me Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know long time no update. I'm a douche and all. Im rly sorry but THIS time hopefully I can keep myself in check. Apologies to all I promised that this would be done sooner. Especially you Darkmint
> 
> I hope you guys like it. On the plus side waiting this long has given me new characters to play with.

They filed out of the room, Clarke first and Alex last, though the latter left with a quick goodbye, heading solemnly down to his room. Lexa was silent as they made their way back to their own apartment. Pushing open the door and entering the lantern light room.

The apartment was small. With a bed against the far wall and on right a door that led to another room, Clarke’s. In the far left corner was a small kitchen and to Clarke’s right another door that leads to the bathroom.

Lexa walked over to bed, sitting down on the side of it. Eyes roaming the ground as she rests her hands in her lap. Her shoulders are tense and her spine ramrod straight in an all too familiar pose. Clarke sighs inwardly before she slowly starts moving towards her.

“Lexa?” she asks and the girl jumps in her spot, eyes shooting up as if she forgot Clarke was there all together.

“Are you ok?”

Lexa’s mouth opens for a second, but clicks closed and her eyes move down to her hands. Clarke slowly sits down next to the quiet girl. Eyes roaming for any missed injuries at the back of her head and neck before she raises her hand. And softly brings it to lie on Lexa’s shoulder.

The girl tenses for a second at the motion but the muscles relax under her. Her eyes skate down the exposed skin on Lexa’s arm from Lexa’s tank top noting the few scratches and scuffs of dirt.

“What’s wrong?” her words are soft, coaxing. And she watches as Lexa once again looks up to her, eyes filmy and hurt. Clarke’s stomach clenches at the hopelessness in them as she stares at Clarke but the girl’s next words break her heart as she opens her mouth to say them.

“I failed you again”

The words are cracked and brittle and sound like the girl is barely holding in a sob and she coils into herself. Clarke moves forward instantly pulling Lexa into her, resting her head atop Lexa’s.

“Nonono, Lexa. You didn’t fail me” Clarke reassures, rubbing the girls tight arm muscles soothly.

“I couldn’t protect your friends” The words are muffled by Clarke’s shirt but she can still here the pain in them.

“It’s not your fault Lexa, it’s not. You tried to save them; you even managed to save one. But the others are not your fault.  Jaha is the one to blame, he’s the one with blood on his hands not you. Not you”

Clarke continues to hold the girl close to her, continuing to whisper assurances and soothe the girl. It takes a while, an hour or ten minutes. Clarke isn’t sure which but eventually the strangled breathing of the girl dies down. But she doesn’t move away from Clarke, instead she relaxes into the girls embrace. Taking a small comfort in the warmth surrounding her.   

“Thank you Clarke” Lexa mumbles as she pulls away from the girl, silently berating herself for being weak. Clarke instantly misses the contact but doesn’t push it.

“It’s no problem Lexa”

A silence encompasses the two girls as their eyes stray across the dimly light room, neither focusing on the other. Until Clarke finally breaks the silence.

“Lexa, I want to say again, the things I said in the forest, before I came back here. They weren’t true. I was angry and I just lost it, but I’m very glad you came back with me”

Lexa meets her eyes now, the beautiful green that reminds Clarke of the forest catching her eyes. Something unreadable flashes behind them before she speaks.

“You are?” Clarke nods.

“When I was up in the sky, I use to dream about the ground and what it would be like. I imagined beauty and greens and life, a new life. And when I got down here, there was all of that. But there was so much more. So much danger and death that I thought maybe living a life instead of just surviving one was what I was stuck with. Then I met a stubborn Commander”

Clarke was leaning in as she continued to talk, until both girls foreheads rested against each others. The space between the girls lips mere closing distance as a small smile graces Lexa’s lips.

“I didn’t know what to expect from this, stubborn, regal, _beautiful_ commander. But to fall in love with her? That I definitely did not see coming. And now, here she is, sitting right in front of me and there’s nothing more I want to do but kiss her”

Lexa closes the distance for her, their lips meeting again for the second time. The kiss is soft like their first but there’s something more behind this one. An urgency, like their making up for lost time. Lexa’s hand cups Clarke’s cheek as she changes the angle, sliding her tongue along Clarke’s lower lip seeking entrance to which the other girl eagerly gives.

Clarke moans as the muscles slips past her lips, flicking around and tasting the flesh before sliding over Clarke’s own. Another moan is heard but this time she can’t tell who it came from as she gets lost in the movements.

They break apart for air as both girls lungs beg to be heard. Their panting but both refuse to remove their eyes from the other. Foreheads still pressing softly together, refusing to go without contact with the other.

“I’ve been waiting for that for a while” Clarke grins, receiving another quick peck on the lips.

“Come with me, I want to show you something”

 

“This is beautiful, how did you find it?” Clarke asks as they reach the top part of a section of the Ark. Luckily not too high of the ground. Lexa sits on top of a fur that Clarke guesses the older girl had brought up here before. She sits down next to Lexa, shoulders brushing in welcomed contact. The spot gives them a great view of the night sky, the stars shining in pride.

“When I was a child, I’d look up at the stars and ask them to send me something that makes me happy. I wished for it every day, until it finally happened.”

Clarke moves her eyes away from the sky to the forest green ones watching her now. Her lips quirked up in a soft smirk. And Clarke once again finds herself leaning into the girl’s lips. Nose brushing softly over Lexa’s before their lips connect again.

Yeah, Clarke thinks, she can get use to this.

 

Elsewhere Bellamy sits on a metal stool near the perimeter whittling away at a stick, he glares at the weapon when it breaks open the wood again. He’s mad. The grounders have been their enemy since day one. Killing their friends and family and yet here they are, welcomed as allies. Stealing the people he cares about from him. First his sister, to Indra and Lincoln and now he’s lost the girl he loves to _Lexa_. The girl who betrayed Clarke, who made them kill everyone inside the Mountain. ‘

The grounders aren’t their allies, their enemy. They’ll slowly start taking everything that makes him strong then attack when their week. The others don’t see it but he does. And he will figure out a way to stop them.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear the man approaching until they take up the stall next to him causing him to jump in surprise when they clear their throat.

“What do you want?” he grumbles as his knife once again breaks the stick.

“I’ve seen you around the grounders, you hate them don’t you?” he asks, causing Bellamy to look up at the man curiously this time.

“What of it?”

“How would you like to help me put an end to their nuisance once and for all?” Now the man’s really got his attention. He nods

“Go on”

“First let me introduce myself” He extends his hand.

“Names Pike”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was enjoyable! leave comments of your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> http://lordoclexa.tumblr.com/
> 
> My tumblr^


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